


Memorably

by Yourethefuckboy



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, M/M, Self-Mutilation, angsty as shit, emotional abuse (?(, idk - Freeform, klangst, literally just a giant vent with direct quotes from my life lol, mentions of self harm, nothing graphic, official tag time now, put, sad af, the other paladins arent even mentioned nor referenced, to, verbal abuse (?), what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 01:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9693416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yourethefuckboy/pseuds/Yourethefuckboy
Summary: A vent piece.Lance has a bad history, and Keith just wants to understand and be there when he needs it.Keith learns how to help- and Lance speaks.





	1. He Knows.

Keith opens the door without knocking, and Lance bitterly ignores him for the better part of breakfast.  
Keith doesn't question it.

The times when Lance buries a blade into his shoulder to calm himself, to orient the madness in his head, Keith tuts and tries to apply a salve; Lance bristles at the offer.  
Now, Keith holds his hand and murmurs offers for him to speak about it.

When Lance pops off at an exasperated "shut up" from Keith, in an only slightly serious scenario, Keith asks him why and Lance calmly jokes he can't stop talking if he tried.

He knows something is wrong.


	2. Strike One

He tries the rougher route.

"Goddamnit, Lance, talk to me!" Keith finally grows tired.

"You cut yourself off from me but I know something is wrong- I know you aren't happy and I don't fucking care if it was in the past, I just want you to talk to me about it." Keith's eyes meet his, searching for answers in the sorrowful blue.

Lance is silent for the rest of the night.


	3. Rougher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance reveals why asking him roughly scathes

His fingers tremble as the conversation begins. "My school counselor said you shouldn't be talking about my mom that way to me." He balls them into fists to hide the quivering.  
"Oh, yeah, because a counselor is so wise." the man throws his hands around roughly, slamming his hand onto the countertops. "Your mother and I went to counselors for years and they're full of shit. Because a counselor gets to decide what's right or wrong- who's telling you how to act now?"  
"You know..."  
"If one thing works for you one way!"  
"But you know-" his voice is small and shakey, but brave-  
The man barks out loudly violently angrily:

"I am not done talking!"

He tries again.

"She's a proffesional-"

That man has a voice like thunder, booming into every crevice of the tiny room-  
"I am not done."


	4. Strike Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith dabbles with guilt.

The blood on Lance's shoulder grows from occasional to frequent, and he tries in a new way.

"Lance, please, just talk to me. It will make you feel better, and I think everyone else is worried too. I love you so much and I just want you to be happy so please tell me?"

Lance leaves with a quiet anger, and Keith's bed is cold that night.


	5. The Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance explains why he no longer feels remorse.

"Open the door."  
"I don"t want to." His voice comes out frustrated, whiny, and he curses himself as he utters the letters. His back meets the wall behind him, and he buries his face into his knees.  
"You're making this difficult. If I walk away from this door, i'm weak and can't follow through. If I stay here and ask you to open the door the wrong way, im a failure as a father. Just open the door. Thirty seconds of your time."

He takes yet another moment to control his breathing- to power pose- to wrench the lump from his throat and shred it into bits-

"I don't want to."

"I already know what you're going to say. "Your mom can be a real jerk sometimes but I love her, and she truly deep down loves me too. She's smart, she's beautiful she's funny- She loved you."

His fingers curl around his collar.  
"I just don't see the point anymore."


	6. Heartbreak Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not fucking stupid.

Lance has learned by now to share to the world that you love is a smart way to have your heart broken. He knows.

Cool platforms greet the soles of the feet pattering along the wooden floors. A hand brushes the framd of his door, and he stifles himself ever so briefly- a hand raised over his mouth, eyes scrunched shut, lips crushed together as he curls in on himself even further than before.  
          "Your grandmother is dying."  
           Crushing weight; heavy locks weighing down his heart- gasps threatening to squeeze between his fingers and touch the open air- but he holds his breath and the moment passes.  
          "I love you. Goodnight."  
The steps pick up again, then grow quiet.

So he hides. It's hard not to crack under the weight.


	7. Blank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He doesnt crack.

He doesn't crack.  
A crack is a neat line- this?  
This is shattering.

He's upset now. He's clenching his teeth and biting his cheeks and stubbornly willing away the urge to cry as that man is shouting and cursing and God he's barely fifteen but here he is being screamed at by a drill sergeant.  
His father.  
His Father is shouting angrily, gesturing wildly and that man is terrifying.  
The man stops his angered ranting and begins lulling into a voice smooth like honey, the gestures cooling as the man realizes he is near tears. He is weakened, he is frail, he is a gentle little boy. That man feins innocence and gentleness, and with a coo he remembers from his youth, that man murmurs, "I love you."

The letters don't have the audacity to corrupt his own tongue.

And now, he's falling to pieces, every dark night, every screaming fight, every teary word culminating tonight as he sits in his boyfriend's arms and wonders why he can't let the words flow over his tongue and rush from his lips like a waterfall.

Those words can never leave his lips.


	8. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you can miss even the worst things in life if you have a big enough heart

There is no strike three.

"Lance. I don't- you don't- you shouldn't feel like your problems are irrelevant because I"m 'more fucked up' than you. I don't know. Let's sit together, okay? You can talk whenever you feel ready."

"It's pathetic."  
Keith is quiet. The only indication he'd even been heard is how Keith buries his face into the crook of his neck.  
"When they finally split up... For real, that time. My mom decided to go independent, bought new dishware and everything. We got a little Christmas tree too. My dad never ended up using our big plastic one- he um, he pinned up a large christmas tree plate."

A pitiful laugh escapes Lance.  
"Funny, huh? So that was that. But, the kicker..." he trails off, and Keith feels him shuddering, his arm pulled from it's spot underneath Keiths' to stifle himself.

"I was having friends over, so we went to the dollar store and got a bunch of shitty candy, right? And I fucking insisted on getting candy canes." He pauses to control himself, to speak clearly past that grip on his heart as though he had no cares at all.

"Nobody ate them- I think I knew they wouldn't. So when all was said and done, I went to our shitty little Christmas tree at my mom's house, and hung up the candy canes-" he's gasping, tears pouring. His voice is catching each breath and he's falling over the edge.

"Just like we used to every year. And I told my siblings I'd kill them if they ate them, just like I do every year. And I just- fuck."

"It was for the best, and I'm so happy they did it, so why does it hurt so much anyway?"

Keith cradles him as Lance sobs away the memory.

**Author's Note:**

> These are personal experiences, however feel free to criticize my writing/charcterization/whatever. Even as a vent piece I was trying to make something not shit :PPP Anyway, It's been a long time since I've written at all! It's nice. Please feel free to share your feelings on this work! :)


End file.
